DO think for yourself.

*Think I’m making this up? Proof.

This is not a jab at Lauren Conrad.

I can personally confirm that she’s a nice, decent human who has savvy handlers. Let’s face it: bish is lucky. And it’s hard not to be slighly bitter; she was buying a house and wearing Stella McCartney when I was saving up for an IKEA bed. And her hair is always really shiny.

But this video she did to promote her latest book left me wanting to choke a hoe. Not Lauren - we all know her involvement is limited to reading cue cards and sprinkling PR pixie dust. Rather, I’m disappointed in my fellow “creative services industry type” who wrote the cue cards for this multimedia abortion.

Hide your wife. Hide your kids. Hide your (gay)husband too. Because, once again, we have perpetuated the single most destructive fashion lie of all time: that there are rules.

Rules are a handy convention. They’re editorial couscous. Familiar. Filler. They give fashion a structure and provide boundaries to make us feel secure. They permit us to gather around and belittle things en mass. It’s basically systematic bullying. Except less interesting.

Declaring a “Don’t,” “Faux Pas,” or “Crime” defies the very essence of style. And enforcing these imaginary laws - whether through Worst Dressed lists or unfunny YouTube promo videos - flies in the face of everything wonderful and special about fashion, which is inherently personal. And emotional. And frankly, there ain’t no emotion in rules.

And lest we think that the “Dos” - the safe, foolproof, law-abiding looks (See: Conrad, Lauren) were a sparkle in the eye of Tory Burch - allow me to remind us that trends trickle inward.

So I don’t just find Lauren’s Jihad against kitten heels annoying… I find it irresponsible. And dangerous.

It’s not about the kitten heels; whether you think they’re hot or heinous is irrelevant. It’s declaring them heinous that is one giant leap backwards for mankind. [ed note: “In Defense of Kitten Heels” post coming soon!]

In due time, kitten heels will enter the second circle of influence. Lucky Magazine Level, if you will. They will have undergone enough rounds of testing and modification to appease the Don’t Patrol who will see Lauren wearing a pair on the red carpet and take note. Luckily, this will happen just in time for the Jessica Simpson rendition to hit stores.

Like clockwork.

“The most courageous act is to think for yourself. Aloud.” - Coco Chanel